A mother’s journey to regain her children and her confidence
“The more we allow people to enhance their own natural abilities, rather than make them conform to what we think that they should be, the more successful they’re going to be.”
Last summer the Therapeutic Access team met a mother originally from West Africa whose three children were taken into foster care. She had been in a bad relationship with the father, which eventually led to her children being removed from her care due to domestic violence.
After she and the father split up, the mother gave birth to a fourth child. But when an assessment deemed her unfit to parent based on her low IQ score, her baby was taken away.
Understanding a misjudged situation
She started meeting with Trellis’ Therapeutic Access team, who believed the mom’s “low IQ” was never a factor in her ability to parent. They were surprised she was even tested, given that she was an immigrant, and the assessment is measured by western standards.
As Lissy (Therapeutic Access Coach with Trellis) puts it, “We can't judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree.”
Through Circle of Security, a program for nurturing secure parent-child relationships, the team discovered that the mom had very natural parenting skills but no confidence in her own abilities. Having experienced domestic violence for years and her parenting rights taken away, she had always been told what to do. She was afraid of doing anything that made her kids unhappy, because she didn’t want to look like a bad parent.
The biggest challenge then was for her to learn how to lead and empower herself in her own role.
Unlocking her potential
When this mother saw that the Therapeutic Access team was there to empower her and not judge her, she was able to assume the role that she naturally did so well.
“Once she felt comfortable being who she actually was around me, she just blossomed, and she took control of the situation and her kids,” Lissy says. “They were immeasurably happier.”
“It was so easy with her because she wanted her kids back so bad. She was willing to do anything that it took.”
As mom grew more confident in her role, she was able to start setting boundaries with her kids. She connected with them through fun activities and learned ways to build up their self-esteem. With one child who had been acting out, she learned to understand and respond to the needs behind his behaviour.
“It was so easy with her because she wanted her kids back so bad. She was willing to do anything that it took.”
During her time with Therapeutic Access, mom was able to have longer and more frequent visits with her children, extending to weekend visits and overnights. Then this past Easter, all four of her children were returned to her!
Going strong with a growing family
The mom has since moved on to the In-Home Family Support program at Trellis, where she has weekly coffee check-ins with Raenelle her support worker. Raenelle expects that she’ll only be in the program for a short time now that she’s taken ownership and has built a strong natural support system.
She has also added a fifth child to the family along with a new, wonderfully supportive partner, and this time her baby remained in her care from day one. It’s a stark difference compared to two years ago as mom can now hold her family close with confidence instead of fear. The future is looking bright, and it’s one that she is making herself.